Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
