Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His nipple licking is glorious
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