Ambien. No doubt about it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
