Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
