Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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