woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
