he puts the penis in happiness.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
