I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was like his penis was on wheels.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
