He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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