I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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