Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
