I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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