I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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