but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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