I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
