fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
