There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
