she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
