Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
