Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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