Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
