I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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