Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
