we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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