so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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