That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
