Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
