She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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