He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
