no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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