Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
