I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
