you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
