He disabled his match.com account in front of me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
