shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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