That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
