if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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