I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
