True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
