My liver just broke up with me...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
