I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
