I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
