Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
