I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
