Duck Duck Cougar?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
