No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
