atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
