Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we made out on top of his cat.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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