i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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