So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im part way to drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize