He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
