Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
