I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize