i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
