I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
