yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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