She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
