I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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