a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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