I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
