while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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