It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
