hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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