I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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