I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
