ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize