My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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