Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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