I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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