I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
