He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
